You don’t have to be committed nor faithful to date. Read that again. No, seriously. Read it again. Do you understand what this means?
If so, why are some of you committing and being faithful to this new man or woman while you’re still in the “getting to know you” phase?
Lemme guess, it’s not your style. You don’t like to date more than one person at a time. I get it but that’s just it! You should. Having more than one person to get to know minimizes the chances of you getting your feelings hurt over someone that isn’t going to be more than that – a date.
Wait, I bet you’re thinking she’s suggesting men and women should cheat. Uh no, I’m not. I understand not wanting to spread yourself thin between multiple lovers, but who said you had to sleep with them all?
Alright, let me ask you this. Do you know what dating is?
I was in Mo’s Corner kicking it when the topic came up. We were discussing a friend who recently started dating someone he was completely head over heels for. He chose to cut off all women and give her his undivided attention. It seemed like things were off to a great start, but he ended up getting hurt because she wasn’t committed to him exclusively. She’d kept her options open and met someone else. He didn’t understand where I was coming from when I told him that opening statement. I asked the rest of our friends for their definitions of what they felt dating was. For the most part I got similar responses:
“For me, dating was a no strings attached time. It was hanging with and getting to know several people, gathering and assessing their qualities and determining if I wanted a relationship.”
“Dating is getting to know people as a process of elimination towards something more exclusive if that is what you want. If you don’t want exclusivity, it’s just having fun.”
“Dating to me is simply two individuals spending time together – social activities, dinner, etc. to determine the possibility of it leading to something long-term/permanent.”
“For me to say “we are dating” means that I’ve seen something in you and there is some exclusivity. Not to say that everyone you go out with you are exclusive with, but if we are consistently dating at that point we are building something. Prior to that point I’m a free bird.”
Let’s go further to give the definition of the word. Dating is an appointment to meet at a specified time; a person with whom one has usually a romantic date.
I couldn’t find the word committed or faithful in this definition and you won’t either. That’s because dating is not a commitment to anyone, so neither parties should concern themselves with being faithful. As a matter of fact, commitment shouldn’t happen until both parties discuss and agree to become exclusive. When we meet people, vetting them out is most important before fully investing in a relationship. Yet, many of you go through dating feeling as though you can’t juggle more than one person to get to know. Why is that?
More often than not, men and women alike jump head and heart first into the new courtship. Throwing all caution to the wind, both sexes are guilty of letting their emotions get the best of them. Just because the object of their affection is giving them the time of day, no one else has a chance.
I get it that you want the person you’re interested in to know they’re the only one you have eyes for, but why and so soon? Until you’re at this point in your courtship it’s free game to see them and others.
If anything, this is the most opportune time to get to know each person, take mental notes of everything they’re about and more importantly communicate what you’re seeking to ensure both of you are on the same page. In turn, you keep feelings at bay whilst putting your energy into enjoying your new acquaintances.
Let’s talk about it.
When you date someone new, are you committing to them only? If you are, why? If not, when do you decide the conversation of exclusivity should happen?